A series of dangerous "democratic" episodes have roiled members of the European Union, from Greece to Spain to Italy, threatening the stability of the overall project. Now, a group of intrepid EU bureaucrats are trying to get ahead of the next crisis by clarifying the definition of democracy.*
The EU officials believe that the prevailing definition is much too permissive and allows for "virtually any policy the Plebs like" to be described as democratic. "We want to be sure everyone has a chance to have their voices heard," one official added. "But sometimes we know better."
EU officials acknowledged that democracy has acquired too much credibility to be assaulted head on, noting that technocracy, aristocracy, feudalism, and simply "rule by your betters" all stand little chance of currying favor with the average Julius.
Instead they are hoping to co-opt the definition subtly, while preserving the brand. They pointed to the success of similar tactics in other countries as proof that this was possible.
"Look at Israel. A third of the people under their control don't have the right to vote, and they still brag about being the Only Democracy in the Middle East (TM)," one EU official explained, "It's bloody impressive."
*This is a satirical post.
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