Ancestry.com Shares Rise As Senate Investigation Expands to All Persons of Russian Descent

Ancestry.com logo | Source: Ancestry.com

NEW YORK–Shares of Ancestry.com (ACOM) soared this week on news that the Senate investigation into Russian election meddling has expanded to consider all persons of “Russian descent” as possible suspects.*

Democrats Mark the End of Deficits Matter Month in DC

Senator Schumer, who helped lead the Democratic contributions to Deficits Matter Month. | Official Portrait

WASHINGTON, DC–This week, Democratic leaders marked the end of Deficits Matter Month by advocating for equal increases in defense and non-defense spending in the next bill to fund the government. (By contrast, some Republicans have advocated massive increases in defense spending without comparably reckless increases in domestic budgets.)*

As War Pre-orders Jump 12%, CIA Worries About Meeting Demand for Enemies

Nobody creates enemies as efficiently as the Agency. | Source: CIA Website, via Wikimedia Commons

WASHINGTON, DC–Last week, President Trump approved a defense policy bill that includes a total budget of $692B, marking a nearly 12% increase in pre-ordered wars over the prior year.

Ordinarily, this surge in war pre-orders would be good news for the CIA, which creates most of the key enemy components needed for the wars. However, at least one insider at the Agency is concerned that they won’t be able to keep up with the demand.*