Interested in replacing Gary Cohn in DC? Check out these White House FAQs

The Oval Office | dalatindiva, Pixabay

WASHINGTON, DC–Economic adviser Gary Cohn has announced his plans to resign, and now the White House is on the hunt for a replacement.**

To combat the high turnover that has plagued the Trump Administration, the White House has put together a list of frequently asked questions for prospective candidates. Administration officials hope the questions will help candidates “self-select” and ensure they’re a good fit before expressing interest in the nation’s top economic post.

The full list of questions and answers has been reproduced below:

Do I need a background in economics to be considered?

No.

Successful candidates will have a passing familiarity with economics. We find that candidates who have been trained in Fake Economics often fail to understand President Trump’s vision to Make America Great Again using innovative protective tariffs.

I may have committed some light war crimes in the past. Will that disqualify me?

Certainly not.

The Trump Administration will consider all candidates without regard to race, sex, religion*, or past transgressions.

The Trump Administration also welcomes all past and present members of the armed forces to apply, regardless of how many Iraqi detainees they may have abused in the past.

*Unless that religion is Islam, in which case you’re probably a terrorist or an Iranian, which is pretty much the same to us.

I used to argue that running large budget deficits was a bad idea. Is that an issue?

No. In fact, you’ll be in good company.

President Trump believes people should be able to change their mind regularly like he does.

Won’t tariffs hurt many individual Americans by raising their cost of living?

That’s just what the haters think.

More importantly, President Trump’s economic policies aim to put America First, not Americans first.

I don’t think President Trump should tweet so much.

Get out.

**This is a satirical post.