Drug Dealer Stocks Plunge After Trump Promises Death Penalty

Corporate Drug Dealer

Shares of the nation’s leading corporate drug dealers plunged this week after President Trump announced that his administration would seek the death penalty for high-impact drug dealers.*

FBI Sees Surge in Job Applications After Reports on McCabe’s Retirement Package

WASHINGTON, DC–Last week, outgoing FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe was fired just days before he was set to retire with a full pension at the ripe age of 50. The pension was estimated to worth around $60k per year.*

Interested in replacing Gary Cohn in DC? Check out these White House FAQs

The Oval Office | dalatindiva, Pixabay

WASHINGTON, DC–Economic adviser Gary Cohn has announced his plans to resign, and now the White House is on the hunt for a replacement.**

Russia Unveils Sophisticated Weapon That Can Penetrate US Missile Defenses

Schematics of the new Russian katapalta | Angeleses, Pixabay

MOSCOW, RUSSIA–Speaking during the annual state-of-the-nation address in Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin bragged about a new weapons system that is capable of piercing US missile defenses.*

US experts described the development as a coup of sorts for Russia–though not the kind they fervently hoped for. With the announcement, it’s clear that mutually assured destruction still applies between America and Russia.

Congress Votes to Ban High-capacity Magazines

High-capacity magazines | Jose Francisco Del Valle Mojica, Flickr

WASHINGTON, DC–In its first piece of major legislation after the deadly school shooting in Parkland, Florida, this week Congress passed a ban on high-capacity magazines.

Like most gun control legislation, the move was intended as a mostly symbolic gesture to satisfy voters’ demand to “do something”–without really doing much.*

To Prevent Gun Violence, Activist Demands Boycott of All FedEx Customers, Including Self

More like FedUp

MIAMI, FLORIDA–Gun control advocates called for a broad boycott against the shipping company FedEx, which offers price discounts to National Rifle Association members. Now, one activist is expanding that boycott further, by targeting FedEx customers as well.

“It’s the logical next step,” explained Keith Davis, an activist who supports common sense gun control legislation.*