Champagne Pops at the Federal Reserve After Official Inflation Measure Finally Reaches 2%

A possible alternate use of Federal Reserve notes, if inflation escalates more | Credit: Purple Slog, Flickr

WASHINGTON, DC–The Federal Reserve Board of Governors held an impromptu celebration Wednesday on the news that consumer price inflation is now 2.1%, above the Fed’s goal of 2%.*

The Fed had been frustrated in recent years because the official cost of living in the US kept rising by less than 2%, in spite of the Fed’s best efforts to raise it.

In comments given during the low inflation period, then-Fed Chair Janet Yellen noted that “The American people are struggling under the burden of low inflation–they can pay their bills, their savings aren’t being steadily eroded, and some even think they might be able to retire without getting a part-time job at Walgreens to supplement their income.”

Not anymore.

With this latest inflation report from the BLS, it’s clear that the Fed’s bold strategy of printing trillions in new money and keeping short-term interest rates near zero for multiple years in a row has finally paid off.

New Fed Chair Jerome Powell was quick to share credit in his remarks at the celebration: “This is an achievement that we’ve all been working towards for a long time. Lesser central bankers than you might have caved in to the pressure to tighten when global bond yields went negative, pensions began selling S&P puts for cash flow, and asset prices outran profits like they were standing still. But you lot kept right on inflating so we could reach our goal.”

*This is a satirical post. All quotes cited above are fictional in nature.