US Officials: Iran Nuclear Deal Failed to Address Non-Nuclear Issues

Mohammad Javad Zarif, Iran’s Foreign Minister and Deal Spirit Violator | Credit: Austria’s foreign ministry, Wikimedia Commons

WASHINGTON, DC–Noting that Iran has failed to live up to the Spirit of the agreement, senior White House officials told The Daily Face Palm that it would be in America’s national interest to unilaterally withdraw from the Iran Nuclear Deal.*
Formally known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action, the Iran Nuclear Deal was negotiated between the Islamic Republic of Iran and the members of the P5+1 and sealed in 2015. The deal imposed additional safeguards and restrictions on Iran’s nuclear program in exchange for sanctions relief. Iran contends that its nuclear program is for peaceful purposes, but critics point to the documentary film 300 as evidence that the Persians should not be trusted.

The White House officials, who were granted anonymity as a matter of course, said they originally approached the agreement with cautious optimism.

They acknowledged that the deal was “technically silent” on issues like Iran’s support for Hezbollah, its testing of ballistic missiles, and its occasional criticism of Israel’s benevolent occupation of Palestine, but the officials also said it was widely understood that the Spirit of the agreement was that Iran would unconditionally submit to America’s foreign policy demands on all other issues.

Unfortunately, these expectations have not been met as the nuclear deal somehow failed resolve all outstanding non-nuclear issues between Iran and the US. Now, as one senior official put it, “Iran’s continued regard for its own self-interest has left the US with no choice.”

*This is a satirical post.